Do we express ourselves or what the world tells? Being music professionals we have to work well in a well working business,
tinkering with things which are strongly determined by rules we have not set ourselves.
We have to go by conjectures about what the market wants from us.
And we do not know, if that is the thing we want ourselves. Is there something beyond? Beyond the choice of being an entertainer
who is supposed to be' you' ?
The answer could be found in what we are experiencing or re-experiencing when we make
And I found an answer in a book by Oliver Sacks. In "Musicophilia", Chapter 3 with the subtitle "Memory, Music, Movement"
Sacks reports the story of a man who lost his episodic memory. Not just some parts of it. He lost it all.
A Man, being incarcerated in a mere sensation of 'now'. Even a perception passed a second ago he was not
to memorize. The man described his situation as being dead while being alive. A torture, caused by the loss of any awareness of the passing 'real-time'.
Nevertheless this patient retained amazing abilities.
He was able to play Bach on the piano, not only by mechanic repetition but in beautiful vivid interpretation including improvisation parts.
A certain part of his brain obviously was still unimpaired. His procedural memory
It just needed an actual stimulus (like the score of the tune) to perform what it had saved by learning processes long before.
But why was the patient of amnesia able to play some music in a spirited manner?
We should assume that musical interpretation urgently needs episodic memory.
Probably the very moment of 'now' is not an episode.
It is passing without being past because it only refers to emergences happening right now. The real flow of time can only know itself.
A most lucky situation.
So this experience of making music right now could be the ultimate possibility to experience true moments
of time in a condition we could perceive in terms of 'freedom'.
Freedom is the experience of 'now' without being caught by the past and ist mechanical procedures which normally determine all of us.